We'll walk in fields of gold

And then there were two... Life isn't always what you want it to be, what you've been told it should be. It's not always puppy dogs and rainbows. One thing to remember, though, is that you always have a choice. You can choose to see life for what it is, all of the parts, or try to somehow deny the possibility of change. You are only as weak as you make yourself out to be and you are the only one who can decide if you want to be a victim or a fighter. Opportunities are constantly presented at our feet, temptations and questions rule our minds like a boss. So how do we even begin to try and fight what we can't even see?

How did fear get such a strong hold of this body that it consumes every breathing part of it, makes every cell twist and turn to get away, to run without thought or even considering the possibilities? When was the exact time that life twisted the knife, put that fork in the road, that changed everything? Was there only one or a series of happenings that got us to this point? It seems so much has changed within me I've lost track of the world outside. I try to look back at what I was and remember but I can't see it and if you can't find the origin of your flaw how will you ever truly find just who you are or who you are capable of becoming?

So much has happened since I took my first steps inside that hell-hole, so many twists and turns and probably a million forks in the road you'd lose count. Someone once said that a child is born into innocence, untouched by the things that were, the things to come. No child is born evil but for some reason we all grow to become so different. So what is it that makes it so? Somewhere deep down every person there has to be something left behind from that light that shines so bright in innocent eyes, right? Sometimes it's physical, mental. Sometimes it's your surroundings, others' beliefs and opinions. But there is this moment, hopefully, were we start to think for ourselves; were we learn to analyze all on our own, question the world around us and form our own opinions and ideas of the world, how it should be, how it is. The cold-hearted truth is sometimes the most important one, sometimes not.

I remember the shock and I didn't like it all but now, looking back, I think I'm grateful somehow, no matter how stupid it may sound, because it taught me something, it made me see things in a whole new light. So question is: was it worth it? To a certain point, yes. I believe it was Mandy Musgrave who had the line about a song: "You have to go there to come back." I guess that's it for me. In order for me to learn and because I'm sometimes too curious for my own good, I have to experience it to know what all the fuss is about. At times I wonder who I'd been had I not taken those million leaps of faith and taken on the millions of challanges someone spit in my face and for some reason I feel a sense of contempt because on some level I like who I am right now, or at least where I'm headed. And for the first time in a long time I feel like I can actually breathe...

//Em